Another dirty poem

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A dirty limerick

"Dirty" as in pornographic, but well within the limits of things you can say if your drunk in public at the state fair 
 
You have been warned

I thought for this girl, I had feelings.
our love making was peppered with squeeling
until I saw her face on a box
surrounded by cocks
and guzzling masked strangers semen

Monogamous Larceny

I'm no good at stealing, I don't have the nerves for it.
I can be complicit, I'm good at that.

Always choose the big corporate, VOLUME = Value places, that's a given.

Out of the side of my mouth I say "If you get one more stupid magazine.."

"Or WHAT?" she barks, just loud enough for the next 2 check out lines to hear.

I clear my throat.
Chambering the next round of this verbal skirmish
"I just don't like you reading so much"

I let the venom of my words sizzle in the air as the eyes of eavesdroppers narrow to slits.
Their daggers, all aimed at me.

But her only retort is to apply some lip gloss and dutifully place our purchases on the moving black belt.

*beep* Tuna fish
*beep* Dish soap
*beep* Whole grain bread that I hate
*beep* That FUCKING MAGAZINE

Seething and with the offending periodical in hand I turn to face my obstinate beloved.

A beloved now transfixed at the tiny glowing screen of my phone.

One of her eyes twitches, this is bad

"WHO IS ROSIE?" She screams
"AND GWEN?!"    the fury building in her as she scrolls past names on my phone
"MY SISTER?!"    I raise one eyebrow as if to say "That's a new one" but only for a second

Her voice breaks as she tries not to laugh
"YOU BASTARD"

I set my face to stunned and fumble with a response that never comes.


The sharp thud of Hand to Face reaches all the way down to Home Furnishings.

I stand in silence, clutching my cheek as the *beep * beep * beep * marches on.

She calmly grabs her purse and walks to the door. 

Stopping just short of the exit she turns 

and addresses me over the top of her sunglasses

"Get home quick, 

because all your shit

is gonna be in the street

or ON FIRE"

and then she is gone
  

  I think I hear some clapping a few registers over, but no one seems to hear the security alarm.

                                                                   And no one will ever stop a woman that pissed off    

At home she kisses my face

Tell's me "I'm Sorry"

and then shows me how much an Ipad goes for on Craigslist.