the man from Nickelodeon

So in 5th grade Nickelodeon came to our school. Everyone thought it was because Marcus's dad knew a guy who built the AggroCrag. 

but that was a lie

I convinced Nick that i had cancer with an elaborate series of letters and clandestine faxes sent from the church office when we went in early on Wednesdays. 

They must have only given the school days notice because when they showed up on Friday it was a TOTAL surprise. They told us we had a safety assembly but when we went to the cafeteria IT WAS DOUBLE DARE!

I was so excited but the Principal Ms Parker called to me 

"Josh the man from Nickelodeon wants to meet with you!" and i was taken back to the big office, Ms Parker opened the door gestured me in and closed the door.

I stared down at the carpet, its tiny salt and pepper shaped loops, the dent where the doorstop had been a lone divot in my gaze

"Hello Joshua," said t̷̖̃h̵̤̉e̵̹͝ ̶̪̄m̷͖̓a̵͑͜n̵͍̊ from Nickelodeon "You are looking v e r y h e a l t h y for such a sick sick boy"

my eyes went from the floor in a flash up to the sound of t̷̖̃h̵̤̉e̵̹͝ ̶̪̄m̷͖̓a̵͑͜n̵͍̊'s voice. Ȟ̷̼ẹ̶̓ spoke through gritted teeth, forced inside a mouth that at the last second was taught how to smile.

h̵̨̕i̴͚͒s̷̻͗ words buzzed in my ears.

H̸̱͗é̸̹ stood, h̵̲͊í̶͈s̵̹̑ profile a knife against the fabric of our world  

"oh yes such a s i c k b o y Joshua" 

and before I could take a breath h̶͚͐ë̶̯́ was standing in front of me. I can still recall the wave of heat blasting by me as i was locked, frozen by t̶̗̀h̵̝͝e̴̞̅ ̶̛̖m̷̹͗à̴̜n̶͖̂ ̶̡̐f̴̪͋r̴͕͌ȯ̴̘m̷͉̅ ̵͎̔Ņ̷́i̶̡̔c̶̙͐k̶͉̆ȅ̶͇ĺ̶̪õ̸̟d̶̟̅e̵̡̛o̴̝̎n̷͍͆

then nothing, not black, not cold, nothing

after a minute? an hour? I found myself still standing in Ms. Parkers office alone.

ţ̵̍h̷̪̽e̸͖̋ ̶̥͝m̶̖̍a̶͜͝n̵̼̊ ̷̙̏f̴͕͠r̶̤̎ò̸̭m̴̖̈ ̸͔̈́Ń̷̠í̷̗c̵͎̆k̵̰͂e̵̦͝l̴̞̆ò̶̡d̷̫̈e̵͔͂ơ̸̧n̴̨̂ was gone

-------------

Im dreaming, but i dont think i know it yet.

All around me is blackness, infinity in every direction

the only sound is the thrum of blood in my ears

then i hear my name from the ichor

"JOSHUA" but said only above a whisper, a hint of volume from an untenable source.

"SUCH a s i c k  s i c k boy" 

I gasp, and take all the air with me.

In midst of the impossible distance a form is illuminated by a solitary light

I cant make it out but i know what it is

ţ̵̍h̷̪̽e̸͖̋ ̶̥͝m̶̖̍a̶͜͝n̵̼̊ from nickelodeon 

"How do you f e e l JOSHUA" were the words, but not from a voice, from every voice, folded in on itself and compressed into my existence

and the form advances. 

I try to move, resist, but feet have no purchase on the gloom

H̴̥͛ę̷̋ is coming, closer and closer to me. With every advance of h̷͚͌i̵̝͝ŝ̷̘ ̴̯̌ footsteps i feel the blackness close in around me.

Everything in my body tells me to run, scream, fight ANYTHING. 

"No No JOSHUA you arr s o  s o  s i c k" says ţ̵̍h̷̪̽e̸͖̋ ̶̥͝m̶̖̍a̶͜͝n̵̼̊ ̷̙̏ from Nickelodeon as h̶͚͐ë̶̯́ closes the final distance between us.

"you must g e t w e l l JOSHUA" 

and its over. just like that i wake up in my room just like every other night.

The Dentist Story

I had tooth that needed to be removed the hard way. It was cracked up and down and also crosswise under the gumline. It was a root canaled tooth so it didn’t hurt but the worst part was that during this procedure they had "oldies" on the ipod cuz thats what i asked for.. first song Abba's Dancing Queen, not terrible... well they start in with the face jabbing and skull yanking and thats when i hear it.

over the sickening sounds of metal tools gripping then loosing purchase on tooth, the *TIK TIK TIK* of cracking teeth i hear a wailing, horrid sound. a wretched noise that shakes me to my core.

its Stevie Nicks singing Landslide. Its a LIVE version... and it lasts ALL OF ETERNTIY.

i try to focus on the pressure of a grown man pulling at this encumbered root, welded to my jaw.

I think loose thoughts. Knowing as soon as this tooth was out I could have them TURN OF THAT DAMN SONG. But it gets worse.

THE DRILL! OH the drill will save me from the sound of that woman kicking a song to death.  But yet Wicked Wendy One Note The Awful Witch Queen of FleetWood Mac pours her filthy aural nightshade in my ear. 

My head RATTLES with the noise of the drill, the high pitched WHINE of its motor, the odd smell or vaporized bone and dentin wafts in my nose yet even through all that I hear the atonal wailing all around me. EVERYONE ONE IN THE ROOM IS SINGING LANDSLIDE AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO.

I am in Hell

Book Review #1

Book review? Where do you even start?

I really want to say "I really like this book" but thats understood already right? If the book sucks id just say "Book sucks" and the review would be very sussicnt. Do i have to explain WHY i think i like this book? It seems so subjective, I really like a buncha dumb shit.just at random uhh Wrasslin, ceramic cats and Arbys. I friggin LOVE arbys. they have the meats as you may have heard.

Does knowing what i like make for a good book review? i dont think so. Ok ok, what other things do i read reviews for? RESTURAUNTS, lets look at ARBYS!

ok Bill M here in NJ has a rave 4 star review... here is a snippit

"Hey it's an Arby's no big deal right?
Wrong!! You Couldn't Be Any More Wrong!!

This place is as Big of a Deal as their Big Meaty Sandwiches and that's Pretty BIG! HUGE in fact.

Man, there's enough Meat piled high on these things for you & me both, if... I was in a sharing type of mood,  Which I'm Not."

Bill is really all about that arbys, its a BIG DEAL. it says right there. I also love the way he capitalized Big Meaty Sandwiches. But as a review, is it helpful? It tells us more about Bill than anything. He is NOT sharing, so keep that in mind people in Bills dating group.

How does this help me write a book review? Im not sure yet. But some Delicious Piping Hot Arby's would probably help. Yeah yeah back to the book, but im not done thinking. Is knowing the plot of a book important in a review? because if i gotta tell you the story your better off just reading the book.

Ok, lets say this. If im reviewing a book its because i read all of it and it was interesting enough for ME to enjoy...

My first selection is Amped by Daniel H. Wilson.

DONT GO TO AMAZON AND LOOK IT UP YET!

its good (i cant help but tell you this) its got robots and brain implants and cyborgs and stuff. Im talking augmentations to the human brain that have changed the lives of millions for the better, but like anything it can be used as a weapon.

This is the kind of science fiction i really enjoy. it is SO close to being real, the leap from the page to the meatworld could be one innovation away. Its that kind of thinking that kept me reading this story.

THat really does not seem to be much of a review. thinking back on the book I'd say if you like the same stuff I do then that little bit of info is MORE than enough to get you interested in reading it.

on a scale from Josh did not finish this book to Josh finished this book i give it a "Josh Finished This Book" and then 3 gold stars. A fun read that lead me into more books by Daniel Wilson.