Dead Friends

i see them in dreams or in flashes of memory

departed people 

no biological only historical

I miss the heat they gave the universe, it cant be brought back 

but i still feel it sometimes

i hope they do too

Shadows

Have you seen the shadow man

in the corner of your vision

the swiftly moving darkness 

that isn't always hidden

he knows you think him scary

he's just a quiet guy

watching never talking

so terribly shy

silent comfort he offers

with your eyes he cries

to simply be near

in your loneliest of times

How I met The Necro Butcher

A little background, I grew up in North Texas and had been exposed to wrasslin (its Texas, we call it wrasslin) at a young age but things had really picked up in middle school when I made friends with Chris and Tony. After class on Mondays we would all race over to Chris's house because he had cable and two VCRs so we could watch both RAW and Nitro without having to flip channels. He also had a big couch and a mom that wasn't home all the time.

This meant that we could move the coffee table out of the way, put the cushions on the ground and have our own wrasslin matches before the show started. It wasn't long before we broke one of the couches (Sorry Ms. G) and were told NO MORE WRASSLING IN THE HOUSE!

Things progressed to where we had 2 king size mattresses out in the backyard on a tarp and would wrassle 3 to 5 times a week after school. This continued all through highschool when the local community college was holding a Pro Wrasslin event as a fundraiser. 

We were stoked! I reached out to the promoter/political science professor and he said if we helped promote the show we could get in free and help set up ect. During the talk it was mentioned that we were enthusiastic yet UNTRAINED backyard wrasslers, showed him some tape of our matches and said and would be willing to participate in the show even if it was just something small. We really just wanted to get in a real ring and get up close with some REAL wrasslers but much to our suprise he booked us in our own Hardcore match at the next show about 3 weeks away

Pro Wrestling is a secret club, they don't just let anyone in and before the three of us ever set foot in the venue (it was a roller rink in Princeton Tx), we had a target on our backs because the promoter had let ALL the boys know he got some "new kids, they aren't trained but put on a good show" and being untrained is BAD but we didn't know. we were just happy to be at the show.

But we did it our first REAL match "The Epicenter" Chris Richter  Vs Tony "Big Don" Bruni, Fugetaboutit (no disrespect, pro mafia here) and Me going by the name FLAME

We planned a few spots out but mostly were going to improvise and just hit each other with assorted objects. A ladder, wet floor signs and plastic lunch trays we had stolen from high highschool. I must state again we had NO TRAINING. We did not know how to run the ropes or take a bump, we had only ever done what we thought were the correct moves to each other on mattresses. Heck, we didn't even have GEAR I was wearing black denim shorts and a cut up orange T-shirt

 This is the equivalent of someone who is good at RockBand getting to open at Ozzfest or something

Unbeknownst to us , word had gotten to the back that the 3 greenhorns were doing a HARDCORE MATCH 

The match started as planned. We all make our entrances, hauling out trash cans full of plunder getting ready to wallop each other for the entertainment of the 50 (maybe?) folks in folding chairs sitting in this hot roller rink. These fans were told it was going to be EXTREME and we hoped to give them their money's worth. Little did we know just how extreme it was going to be.

If you recall in the movie The Wrestler, there is a gentleman featured in the film who has a ragged beard and staples dollar bills to himself. This man is The Necro Butcher. He has a reputation for being one of the most violent men to ever step inside the squared circle, a quick google will show you his bloody accomplishments. The Necro Butcher was watching us. Three untrained goobers disrespecting his concussionistic artform. This would not stand and The Necro Butcher decided to do something about it.

In the ring things were going as well as could be expected. We got a little crowd reaction when Epicenter clocked me in the head with a blue lunch tray and hit me with a suplex, but as i'm on the mat i hear someone from the crowd say to his buddy "HERE COMES NECRO!" and look to the entrance curtain to NecroButcher with a folding char and his tag partner HELLHAMMER running to the ring

Chris and Tony are trying to do their moves and are not paying attention when Necro hits the ring, but not me. I knew exactly what was about to happen so i cheese'd it out of there only to meet up with Hellhammer on the outside. He had a look that said "i'm not here to help you" as he raised the trashcan over his head and began to chase me around the outside of the ring

So now Chris and Tony are in the ring with Necro and before his presence registers  Chris is BLASTED in the face with a heavy elbow shot and down he goes. The Butcher places a wet floor sign on his head and STOMPS it 3 or 4 times then grabs a folding chair and sets his eyes on Tony. 

a word about chair shots, there are no fake chairs and there are not safe head shots. You can swing a chair safely and you can take all the precautions in the world but it's still metal against head. We had acquired a few chairs in our backyard wrasslin days and Tony was no stranger to a bonk on the noggin but that's not what this was. 

Necro Butcher raised the chair with both hands over his head and drilled Tony with it. This was less sports entertainment and more aggravated assault. Tony made no attempt to block this shot and because of Necro Butcher's force and follow through the backrest portion of the chair lacerated his scalp and torrent of blood issued forth.

All this happened seconds after I met up with Hellhammer and began running, by this time I was on the other side of the ring and made the decision that getting away from Hellhammer and his trashcan was the best course of action. regrettably that decision put me back in the ring with The Necro Butcher. A stiff forearm shiver to the face and he spins me around grabbing both arms behind my back. As Hellhammer enters the ring, closes the distance chair in hand, Necro Butcher says to me in my ear "Take one for the team, brother" and I close my eyes and wait for death. I received a very dinky chairshot from Hellhammer 100's of times softer than the blow that struck Tony

All three of us are now dazed and beaten and terrified. Chris quickly makes a lazy cover on Tony for the pin and it's over. Now the reality of the situation has set in for Tony, he has a 5 to 6 inch long, quarter inch wide GASH in his scalp. Bloodbath is an understatement. The ref calls for a medic as he and Tony exit the ring and run to the back. Tony's white shirt now a crimson shroud

Oh may i also mention Tony's MOM is in attendance for her baby boys first wrasslin match? My dad and little brother along with Chris's mom too!

Downright confused, scared and concerned for my friend i stumble from the ring to go to the back when who should run back out to inflict more carnage? That's right THE NECRO BUTCHER! he tags me with another forearm and once again im down, but this time on the polished roller rink floor and someone in the crowd shouts "POWERBOMB 'EM" as he grabs a fist full of my neon orange hair (that's why i was called Flame) and at this point stop trying to "be a wrassler" and just start begging with this man to stop hurting me and as cool as a murderous cucumber he says only me "Chill out, this won't hurt" and gave me a kind and gentle body slam on the roller rink floor. Necro turned to the crowd once more raised his fist in the air and then grabbed my foot as he walked past and dragged me into the dressing room

I for sure thought that we were going to again get the shit kicked out of us by all the "real" wrasslers in the back and that my wrasslin career was over before it started but they were not really concerned with us after what just happened. as im sitting there in the back trying to peice my world back together some one gives me a lil tap on the shoulder, its Necro again but this time hes got a big goofy grin on his face and he says to me "I bet you wont do a hardcore match again huh?" and just LAUGHS

Tony was ok, he got 12 staples but decided maybe wrestling wasn't for him and became a referee

Me and Chris stuck it out, got trained and I continued to wrassle for 3 more years till I was forced out by injury. Chris has continued to wrestle on and off since then all over Texas

This wasn't my last show with The Necro Butcher but it was the ONLY time i was ever in the ring with him. 

Thanks for reading!

the man from Nickelodeon

So in 5th grade Nickelodeon came to our school. Everyone thought it was because Marcus's dad knew a guy who built the AggroCrag. 

but that was a lie

I convinced Nick that i had cancer with an elaborate series of letters and clandestine faxes sent from the church office when we went in early on Wednesdays. 

They must have only given the school days notice because when they showed up on Friday it was a TOTAL surprise. They told us we had a safety assembly but when we went to the cafeteria IT WAS DOUBLE DARE!

I was so excited but the Principal Ms Parker called to me 

"Josh the man from Nickelodeon wants to meet with you!" and i was taken back to the big office, Ms Parker opened the door gestured me in and closed the door.

I stared down at the carpet, its tiny salt and pepper shaped loops, the dent where the doorstop had been a lone divot in my gaze

"Hello Joshua," said t̷̖̃h̵̤̉e̵̹͝ ̶̪̄m̷͖̓a̵͑͜n̵͍̊ from Nickelodeon "You are looking v e r y h e a l t h y for such a sick sick boy"

my eyes went from the floor in a flash up to the sound of t̷̖̃h̵̤̉e̵̹͝ ̶̪̄m̷͖̓a̵͑͜n̵͍̊'s voice. Ȟ̷̼ẹ̶̓ spoke through gritted teeth, forced inside a mouth that at the last second was taught how to smile.

h̵̨̕i̴͚͒s̷̻͗ words buzzed in my ears.

H̸̱͗é̸̹ stood, h̵̲͊í̶͈s̵̹̑ profile a knife against the fabric of our world  

"oh yes such a s i c k b o y Joshua" 

and before I could take a breath h̶͚͐ë̶̯́ was standing in front of me. I can still recall the wave of heat blasting by me as i was locked, frozen by t̶̗̀h̵̝͝e̴̞̅ ̶̛̖m̷̹͗à̴̜n̶͖̂ ̶̡̐f̴̪͋r̴͕͌ȯ̴̘m̷͉̅ ̵͎̔Ņ̷́i̶̡̔c̶̙͐k̶͉̆ȅ̶͇ĺ̶̪õ̸̟d̶̟̅e̵̡̛o̴̝̎n̷͍͆

then nothing, not black, not cold, nothing

after a minute? an hour? I found myself still standing in Ms. Parkers office alone.

ţ̵̍h̷̪̽e̸͖̋ ̶̥͝m̶̖̍a̶͜͝n̵̼̊ ̷̙̏f̴͕͠r̶̤̎ò̸̭m̴̖̈ ̸͔̈́Ń̷̠í̷̗c̵͎̆k̵̰͂e̵̦͝l̴̞̆ò̶̡d̷̫̈e̵͔͂ơ̸̧n̴̨̂ was gone

-------------

Im dreaming, but i dont think i know it yet.

All around me is blackness, infinity in every direction

the only sound is the thrum of blood in my ears

then i hear my name from the ichor

"JOSHUA" but said only above a whisper, a hint of volume from an untenable source.

"SUCH a s i c k  s i c k boy" 

I gasp, and take all the air with me.

In midst of the impossible distance a form is illuminated by a solitary light

I cant make it out but i know what it is

ţ̵̍h̷̪̽e̸͖̋ ̶̥͝m̶̖̍a̶͜͝n̵̼̊ from nickelodeon 

"How do you f e e l JOSHUA" were the words, but not from a voice, from every voice, folded in on itself and compressed into my existence

and the form advances. 

I try to move, resist, but feet have no purchase on the gloom

H̴̥͛ę̷̋ is coming, closer and closer to me. With every advance of h̷͚͌i̵̝͝ŝ̷̘ ̴̯̌ footsteps i feel the blackness close in around me.

Everything in my body tells me to run, scream, fight ANYTHING. 

"No No JOSHUA you arr s o  s o  s i c k" says ţ̵̍h̷̪̽e̸͖̋ ̶̥͝m̶̖̍a̶͜͝n̵̼̊ ̷̙̏ from Nickelodeon as h̶͚͐ë̶̯́ closes the final distance between us.

"you must g e t w e l l JOSHUA" 

and its over. just like that i wake up in my room just like every other night.

The Dentist Story

I had tooth that needed to be removed the hard way. It was cracked up and down and also crosswise under the gumline. It was a root canaled tooth so it didn’t hurt but the worst part was that during this procedure they had "oldies" on the ipod cuz thats what i asked for.. first song Abba's Dancing Queen, not terrible... well they start in with the face jabbing and skull yanking and thats when i hear it.

over the sickening sounds of metal tools gripping then loosing purchase on tooth, the *TIK TIK TIK* of cracking teeth i hear a wailing, horrid sound. a wretched noise that shakes me to my core.

its Stevie Nicks singing Landslide. Its a LIVE version... and it lasts ALL OF ETERNTIY.

i try to focus on the pressure of a grown man pulling at this encumbered root, welded to my jaw.

I think loose thoughts. Knowing as soon as this tooth was out I could have them TURN OF THAT DAMN SONG. But it gets worse.

THE DRILL! OH the drill will save me from the sound of that woman kicking a song to death.  But yet Wicked Wendy One Note The Awful Witch Queen of FleetWood Mac pours her filthy aural nightshade in my ear. 

My head RATTLES with the noise of the drill, the high pitched WHINE of its motor, the odd smell or vaporized bone and dentin wafts in my nose yet even through all that I hear the atonal wailing all around me. EVERYONE ONE IN THE ROOM IS SINGING LANDSLIDE AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO.

I am in Hell

Book Review #1

Book review? Where do you even start?

I really want to say "I really like this book" but thats understood already right? If the book sucks id just say "Book sucks" and the review would be very sussicnt. Do i have to explain WHY i think i like this book? It seems so subjective, I really like a buncha dumb shit.just at random uhh Wrasslin, ceramic cats and Arbys. I friggin LOVE arbys. they have the meats as you may have heard.

Does knowing what i like make for a good book review? i dont think so. Ok ok, what other things do i read reviews for? RESTURAUNTS, lets look at ARBYS!

ok Bill M here in NJ has a rave 4 star review... here is a snippit

"Hey it's an Arby's no big deal right?
Wrong!! You Couldn't Be Any More Wrong!!

This place is as Big of a Deal as their Big Meaty Sandwiches and that's Pretty BIG! HUGE in fact.

Man, there's enough Meat piled high on these things for you & me both, if... I was in a sharing type of mood,  Which I'm Not."

Bill is really all about that arbys, its a BIG DEAL. it says right there. I also love the way he capitalized Big Meaty Sandwiches. But as a review, is it helpful? It tells us more about Bill than anything. He is NOT sharing, so keep that in mind people in Bills dating group.

How does this help me write a book review? Im not sure yet. But some Delicious Piping Hot Arby's would probably help. Yeah yeah back to the book, but im not done thinking. Is knowing the plot of a book important in a review? because if i gotta tell you the story your better off just reading the book.

Ok, lets say this. If im reviewing a book its because i read all of it and it was interesting enough for ME to enjoy...

My first selection is Amped by Daniel H. Wilson.

DONT GO TO AMAZON AND LOOK IT UP YET!

its good (i cant help but tell you this) its got robots and brain implants and cyborgs and stuff. Im talking augmentations to the human brain that have changed the lives of millions for the better, but like anything it can be used as a weapon.

This is the kind of science fiction i really enjoy. it is SO close to being real, the leap from the page to the meatworld could be one innovation away. Its that kind of thinking that kept me reading this story.

THat really does not seem to be much of a review. thinking back on the book I'd say if you like the same stuff I do then that little bit of info is MORE than enough to get you interested in reading it.

on a scale from Josh did not finish this book to Josh finished this book i give it a "Josh Finished This Book" and then 3 gold stars. A fun read that lead me into more books by Daniel Wilson.

For the Books

The feeling of a book in my hands,
The smell of its pages.

The way time slides by,
Turning minutes to ages.

From the comforts of home,
To the abyss of space.

My first true love.
My safe place.

A book is a friend
Nothing can replace.