To all the residents of the Romero Gardens Sub-division.
As we all know the recent undead scourge has irrevocably impacted our quiet community. Thankfully to the succinct action of local law enforcement and itinerant gun enthusiasts we now have regained some sense of stability in our lives. Me and my family are eternally grateful to all of them.
The focus of this correspondence is to discuss the gross negligence and apathy shown by my neighbors.
V-Day will be forever etched on our minds. My home was compromised by the undead at around 11:30 that night. We only survived our 45 day siege because of a hole caused by water damage that allowed us access to the pantry from the attic where we hid. Little did we know that the initial threat was suppressed in less than 12 hours. No one bothered to check on the well being of our family. We languished for 45 days in a cramped attic with no ventilation and the constant fear of zombies.
Unaware to us during that time our fellow home owners had been taking liberties with our belongings. I would like everything promptly returned or it will be taken back with extreme prejudice
I would like to take this time to personally apologize to the recently widowed Mrs. Kells. Your husbands drunken shuffling was very similar to that of a zombie. Had he not raided my liquor cabinet all of this could have been avoided.
It was only during the Victory Block Party did we realize the coast was clear; no thanks to any of you.
Therefore, I respectfully decline your multiple requests to remove the slogan "Fuck You Guys" that I have painted on my garage door.
See you in Hell
The Lombards
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