Book Review #1

Book review? Where do you even start?

I really want to say "I really like this book" but thats understood already right? If the book sucks id just say "Book sucks" and the review would be very sussicnt. Do i have to explain WHY i think i like this book? It seems so subjective, I really like a buncha dumb shit.just at random uhh Wrasslin, ceramic cats and Arbys. I friggin LOVE arbys. they have the meats as you may have heard.

Does knowing what i like make for a good book review? i dont think so. Ok ok, what other things do i read reviews for? RESTURAUNTS, lets look at ARBYS!

ok Bill M here in NJ has a rave 4 star review... here is a snippit

"Hey it's an Arby's no big deal right?
Wrong!! You Couldn't Be Any More Wrong!!

This place is as Big of a Deal as their Big Meaty Sandwiches and that's Pretty BIG! HUGE in fact.

Man, there's enough Meat piled high on these things for you & me both, if... I was in a sharing type of mood,  Which I'm Not."

Bill is really all about that arbys, its a BIG DEAL. it says right there. I also love the way he capitalized Big Meaty Sandwiches. But as a review, is it helpful? It tells us more about Bill than anything. He is NOT sharing, so keep that in mind people in Bills dating group.

How does this help me write a book review? Im not sure yet. But some Delicious Piping Hot Arby's would probably help. Yeah yeah back to the book, but im not done thinking. Is knowing the plot of a book important in a review? because if i gotta tell you the story your better off just reading the book.

Ok, lets say this. If im reviewing a book its because i read all of it and it was interesting enough for ME to enjoy...

My first selection is Amped by Daniel H. Wilson.

DONT GO TO AMAZON AND LOOK IT UP YET!

its good (i cant help but tell you this) its got robots and brain implants and cyborgs and stuff. Im talking augmentations to the human brain that have changed the lives of millions for the better, but like anything it can be used as a weapon.

This is the kind of science fiction i really enjoy. it is SO close to being real, the leap from the page to the meatworld could be one innovation away. Its that kind of thinking that kept me reading this story.

THat really does not seem to be much of a review. thinking back on the book I'd say if you like the same stuff I do then that little bit of info is MORE than enough to get you interested in reading it.

on a scale from Josh did not finish this book to Josh finished this book i give it a "Josh Finished This Book" and then 3 gold stars. A fun read that lead me into more books by Daniel Wilson.

For the Books

The feeling of a book in my hands,
The smell of its pages.

The way time slides by,
Turning minutes to ages.

From the comforts of home,
To the abyss of space.

My first true love.
My safe place.

A book is a friend
Nothing can replace.

You Broke My Heart (with a Spinning Toe Hold)

So I'm working on a lil country tune about wrasslin.

When ya took on Ronnie Garvin
I was right there by yer side
And I watched as The Butcher
Took a fork to yer precious hide

But when they made you champ
And went to Memphis on your own
I was left heartbroken
Here in Parts Unknown

Chorus
You Broke my heart
with a spinning toe hold
ya broke my heart
when ya turned around
ya broke my heart
Way down in Texas
So I burned the sportarorium to the ground.

Locked a cage with Bruiser Brody
I thought for sure that you'd be dead
And your bouts with Buddy Rodgers
Put scars upon your head

Being trapped in the Texas cloverleaf
You rather die than quit
But if you mention Terry Funk again
I'm burning all your shit

Chorus

I was your quiet geisha
When we toured all through Japan
I even took a chop or two from Inoki's big right hand.

I knew that things were ending
And That my goose was cooked
When you told me "Workers only, and you just ain't been booked"

Chorus

You always said I'm more
than just a ring rat.
then I heard you tradin tales
With Jake the snake.

I knew it all had changed when ya said
It was Miss Lacy that you banged
So I paid a guy in Dallas to have you shanked

Chorus x2

Dead Bunnies via Samoa

Poor bunnies, Chris Richters last victim
The gore, it defies description
I heard him scream into the night
"I knew I was right!
Rabbits explode when you fist them!"

Another dirty poem

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A dirty limerick

"Dirty" as in pornographic, but well within the limits of things you can say if your drunk in public at the state fair 
 
You have been warned

I thought for this girl, I had feelings.
our love making was peppered with squeeling
until I saw her face on a box
surrounded by cocks
and guzzling masked strangers semen

Monogamous Larceny

I'm no good at stealing, I don't have the nerves for it.
I can be complicit, I'm good at that.

Always choose the big corporate, VOLUME = Value places, that's a given.

Out of the side of my mouth I say "If you get one more stupid magazine.."

"Or WHAT?" she barks, just loud enough for the next 2 check out lines to hear.

I clear my throat.
Chambering the next round of this verbal skirmish
"I just don't like you reading so much"

I let the venom of my words sizzle in the air as the eyes of eavesdroppers narrow to slits.
Their daggers, all aimed at me.

But her only retort is to apply some lip gloss and dutifully place our purchases on the moving black belt.

*beep* Tuna fish
*beep* Dish soap
*beep* Whole grain bread that I hate
*beep* That FUCKING MAGAZINE

Seething and with the offending periodical in hand I turn to face my obstinate beloved.

A beloved now transfixed at the tiny glowing screen of my phone.

One of her eyes twitches, this is bad

"WHO IS ROSIE?" She screams
"AND GWEN?!"    the fury building in her as she scrolls past names on my phone
"MY SISTER?!"    I raise one eyebrow as if to say "That's a new one" but only for a second

Her voice breaks as she tries not to laugh
"YOU BASTARD"

I set my face to stunned and fumble with a response that never comes.


The sharp thud of Hand to Face reaches all the way down to Home Furnishings.

I stand in silence, clutching my cheek as the *beep * beep * beep * marches on.

She calmly grabs her purse and walks to the door. 

Stopping just short of the exit she turns 

and addresses me over the top of her sunglasses

"Get home quick, 

because all your shit

is gonna be in the street

or ON FIRE"

and then she is gone
  

  I think I hear some clapping a few registers over, but no one seems to hear the security alarm.

                                                                   And no one will ever stop a woman that pissed off    

At home she kisses my face

Tell's me "I'm Sorry"

and then shows me how much an Ipad goes for on Craigslist.